but I dont wanna...

Living six hours away from home has been a challenge. Last year I went home every month. This year I go home about once every two months if I'm super lucky. Various happenings at home have greatly influenced my desire to be there. When things go wrong with my family I want to see if everything is ok. I want to experience their "OKness." I need to see their face. I need to hear your voice. God has greatly challenged me being here at school. I have awesome friends and a kickin family. I unfortunately cannot be there physically for both which breaks my heart. Another situation I have found myself in is my yearning to control timing. When I am getting ready to leave for home I want all my stuff packed and loaded and very minimum things to do in the morning before my departure. When I leave home I have to make sure that the timing is perfect and I will be there as soon as I can with the least amount of stops and most amount of daylight. This past weekend I was determined to continue doing the exact same thing. My lack of communication enabled me to stay until Monday however I had to be back before 9 for my staff meeting. So immediately I started doing math in my head... Lubbock and Canyon. Four Hours to Lubbock and about an hour and a half to Canyon. My destination would be reached at 8:30. this immediately made me feel tense. I wasnt able to sleep in that morning for fear I somehow miss it. I was not in control. This is what got to me most. I absolutely hate being late and the communication between my rides was not where I felt comfortable. We left at about 3:20. School Zones... AWESOME! We drove about two hours and ran into a wildfire. There were about like ten cars infront of us. "If we would have left at three this wouldnt have happened." Despite the time seeming to run alot faster than usual I finally stopped. This fire was beautiful! It was huge and promised destruction. Not that I'm not pushing aside those that could have gotten hurt by it. This was probably the most I smiled all day. My friend was freaking out and I was in utter awe at this magnificent happening. Then and there I realized. I'm not in control. I knew God was smiling at me and shaking his finger as I stood there with a cheeky grin saying "Yeah I know". So I made it to my meeting about 10 minutes late and just missed the beginning of an easter hunt my creative boss decided to put on. Throughout all the worry, throughout all the stress God delivered. Why doubt. In between the distance and pushing the seconds God stands. You are not in control and you will never be. God has taken that weight off your shoulders. Thank you again Jesus! :)