Never Look Back When Plowing

Tonight was the secret church where Christians all met together like they did in the persecuted church in catacombs. It wasnt quite as I expected. I was not questioned at the door or the cops didnt search my bag for my bible. I unfortunaltely was not thrown into a solitary confinement for going to worship God. Its amazing how much we take for granted. Tonight we sang, we read scripture, we prayed, and listened to stories of martyers. I have alway been intrigued by these stories even growing up. The idea of just believing in something so much to give up yourself and basically your breath for it. Growing up I was never really good at anything. I was average at school but never really excelled in one subject and I wasnt the best softball or soccer player either! I wanted and sometimes still want to just be good at just one single thing. I do possess a heart. A heart that yearns to help people, to reach out and take them in my arms and tell them that everything will be ok. It's awesome just seeing how peoples faith is around the world and no matter how bad things are for them they still believe. We are spoiled. We are so use to getting every stinking thing we want and refuse to believe something because so and so believes in it or it doesnt fit into our selfish schedules. We need a good heart breaking. Not a my boyfriend just broke up with me heart break but just to see the conditions that people have to live in and what people are forced to believe. In Luke 9:57-62 Jesus asks people to follow him. People had an agenda to stick to and needed to follow. I need to say bye to my family. I need to bury my father. Jesus said no. In this life of mine I have not been especially talented or smart. I however always strive to be there for people and ultimately let them know that I can be trusted. I am studying Graphic Design here at West Texas A&M University. My professor once said that we are this major because we have been told we are good at it. My mom told me this. She actually told me I should major in graphic design. My dad however wanted me to be an engineer. Expression has also been a huge aspect in my life. Not so much for me but for those who are hurting, those who should have lost hope but have not. When I am questioned about my future I say oh I wanna work for charities or a non profit organization. This to me is not realistic enough for me to help my family. I feel that I need to carry my own weight and not put school costs and such in my families already stressful lives. Lately I have responded to the question about my future by more truthfully saying I want to be a missionary. Graphic Design. Where is the people? Where is the pain? Where is the never failing hope? Tonight I realized that God has called me my whole life to do this. To use my heart that has been given to me. I must follow Jesus and not worry about family for God is with them. I feel like I constantly deny God and make up excuses on why I can't do this. I believe I have a huge obligation to my family. That I owe them so much that I will never be able to amount to. Yet God has given it all. An ultimate debt that I cannot even start to pay off. Buddy Young challenged us tonight. He said change your major. You don't need to be here. I don't. What I want to do is out there. It always has been. I don't believe I have the spiritual strength right now to minister yet I will pray and I ask you to pray as well. " Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." Luke 9: 58. What a beautiful challenge. One I hopefully can begin to start.